The Birds and the Bees

A Gamer Dads guide to getting it on

The Birds and the Bees

It’s the inevitable talk that comes with being a parent. Chances are you were on the receiving end as a youth and it is only a matter of time before the tables turn and you sit there starring at your offspring, uncomfortably shifting in your chair, wondering how to bring up the birds and the bees. Let’s be honest, I hated having to hear my parents describe sexual organ function and the thought of having to subject my kids hearing the same come from my mouth just seems cruel. Luckily enough, I think I’ve found a fool proof way to shift all that expected awkwardness and not only have a fun time playing some games with your kids, but learn about the birds and the bees in the process. If you follow my list to the letter, you’ll find that you’ll be completely off the hook for giving the birds and the bee’s talk and your child will be a wonderful, upstanding member of the community who knows everything there is to know about sex.

Fable- Touted as an open world adventure where everything you do affects your character in the game. Fable makes the list because not only can you get it on in the game, it teaches you consequences. You can court whomever you like in Fable, but just like in real life if you choose poorly and don’t use protection you can end up with a nasty case of VD. For the most part people have to at least like you a little bit to be willing to give it up so that’s a nice touch.

Best use this, there are worse things then Balverines out there

 

Tokyo Jungle- This downloadable game may not feature any human mating but does provide a good example for what happens when you are desperate. In the post apocalyptic world of Tokyo, only the animals have survived and continue to do so by maturing then finding a mate. Choose your mate wisely and your offspring flourish, you produce more offspring with less ailments. Choose poorly and you have a weak litter and often end up with fleas. Sometimes you don’t always have the option to get the best and as your life begins to wind down you may have to settle for the flea bag. What person standing in a bar at 2AM can’t relate to that?

Leisure Suit Larry- Teach your children all about the chase so that when you finally do win that mini-game and get to round third base to home, they’ll be appreciative. If anything, it provides those who may not be mature enough for sex in their early teens, a semi realistic look at college dating life and the 40 and up and single scene. What woman isn’t instantly enticed by a game of quarters or bouncing on a trampoline.

Mass Effect-  What other game sums up the complex and mature subject of courting and inter species sex like Mass Effect? This game doesn’t so much as glorify sex as it does getting to know your potential partner through deep conversations and side quests. Mass Effect not only teaches players the art of conversation but to think outside the box when choosing a potential mate. Sure, you could go for the pretty Brunette but aren’t you curious as to what’s under Tali’s helmet and hey, Kaiden has always been really nice to you.

tali-big--article_image

Shepard really just likes the reflection coming off that helmet

 

GTA- Sometimes sex is a release, but not always worth the time it takes to find and woo a romantic partner. Grand Theft Auto teaches that sometimes it’s okay to just roll up to a curb and let a lady of the night into your vehicle and take her to a nice romantic alley. Birds and the bees plus economics.

Once you play through these games your child will know everything there is to know about sex and dating, except for how it all actually is supposed to work, but hey at least you had fun playing some games with your kids that weren’t even the least bit awkward to watch (for you at least). With all the talks and conversations you will inevitably have with your kids isn’t nice to know one is already taken care of for you? Have anymore games that you think should make the list? Let us know in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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